Some years ago when I was in my prime,
I was basking in a new-found glory,
Being famous and popular all around,
I was the subject of every story.
Anyway, one day, I took a walk
To escape my hectic fame,
And, sitting down, thinking about quiet,
Waited patiently for the same.
Suddenly, in the glen where I was seated,
I heard a whooshing sound,
And then an incident occurred,
That left, on my mind, an impact profound.
My heroes, Carter and Sadie Kane1
Intruded upon my premises –
From their facial expression
It seemed they had left behind Horus and Isis2.
I seemingly looked handsome,
For Sadie began to giggle and laugh,
Carter, giving her a stern look, said:
“Sir, I want your autograph.”
Now my expression turned from excited to astonished,
Watching it must have been fun,
But before I could get a single word through,
There arrived on the spot – Percy Jackson3!
Dressed in full Greek battle armour
With his sword and shield at the ready,
Reading his determined expression,
It was hard to imagine him, in war, unsteady.
Now he said, “Oh foolish Kane siblings,
I have Annabeth4 by my side.”
As if by magic, there she appeared and said:
“We’ll kill you with my knife and his Riptide5!”
Just as Sadie opened her mouth,
On the demigods, some insult to confer,
Some more visitors descended from the skies
Saphira7, Eragon6, and his sword Brisingr8!
Eragon was clad in complete Alagaesia9 outfit,
Brisingr glistened in the mini-parade,
Saphira was looking as ferocious as ever,
Looking at them, it was hard not to feel afraid.
Eragon seemed to be frustrated,
And said: “Your aspirations are all amiss.
The autograph will only be mine,
I will blast you with the teachings of Oromis10!”
I was stunned by these amazing heroes
Among the Dobermans, I felt like a cocker spaniel,
But somehow, I felt there was someone missing,
Sure enough – now came Bartimaeus12 and Nathaniel11!
Nathaniel, rather John Mandrake,
Was in a suit that looked rather funny,
And Bartimaeus, the wily djinn he was,
Presented himself in the form of Ptolemy13.
The magician of amazing punctuality
Had drawn for Bartimaeus a pentacle14,
And said with unfaltering superiority:
“I’ll turn you all to pickle!”
Bartimaeus sniggered quietly
But didn’t dare make a noise,
And I think the others were quiet because
They tried to maintain a ‘laugh-less’ poise.
It looked to me as if Eragon,
Having had enough of the crazy boy,
Was about to cast a deadly magic;
But couldn’t start his ploy:
For now the newest guest arrival
Was the mastermind Artemis Fowl15,
Then, as he noticed the crowd gathered for me,
His smirk turned into a growl.
Artemis was the only one,
Who spoke for Mandrake, a retort:
“It will be me who gets the autograph first –
For who can beat my mastermind and Holly Short16?”
The answer for this rhetoric,
Could have been Annabeth Chase,
But there Apparated18 Harry Potter17,
Calmly, he replied to Fowl’s phrase:
“Please don’t be so confident,
You and the fairy are no match for me,
Now that I have defeated Voldemort20,
No one can stop me and Ginny19!”
As if in response to his loving call,
Ginny Weasley appeared on the scene,
But the contest for my overly famous autograph,
Now made her a jealous teen.
For everyone, this was the last straw –
The rising tempers were oh! So plain,
When another visitor intruded our gathering –
The shabbily dressed Saddam Hussein21!
All my fantasy fiction friends,
Looked in awe at this non-fiction character,
But alas! As they would realize later,
They had forgotten the modern technology factor.
Now, without caring to speak a word,
He took out his favourite device,
And, with a simple flick of the arm,
The bomb completed my heroes’ demise.
Surprisingly, though I hadn’t realized it then,
The bomb had not affected me at all,
But I was afraid to speak up,
In front of Hussein so strong and tall.
The terrorist then gave me a notebook,
Right after they had all been blasted away,
I took it, signed, and asked myself:
“What has fiction come to today?”