September 25, 2010 - 7 min read

Some years ago when I was in my prime,
I was basking in a new-found glory,
Being famous and popular all around,
I was the subject of every story.

Anyway, one day, I took a walk
To escape my hectic fame,
And, sitting down, thinking about quiet,
Waited patiently for the same.

Suddenly, in the glen where I was seated,
I heard a whooshing sound,
And then an incident occurred,
That left, on my mind, an impact profound.

My heroes, Carter and Sadie Kane1
Intruded upon my premises –
From their facial expression
It seemed they had left behind Horus and Isis2.

I seemingly looked handsome,
For Sadie began to giggle and laugh,
Carter, giving her a stern look, said:
“Sir, I want your autograph.”

Now my expression turned from excited to astonished,
Watching it must have been fun,
But before I could get a single word through,
There arrived on the spot – Percy Jackson3!

Dressed in full Greek battle armour
With his sword and shield at the ready,
Reading his determined expression,
It was hard to imagine him, in war, unsteady.

Now he said, “Oh foolish Kane siblings,
I have Annabeth4 by my side.”
As if by magic, there she appeared and said:
“We’ll kill you with my knife and his Riptide5!”

Just as Sadie opened her mouth,
On the demigods, some insult to confer,
Some more visitors descended from the skies
Saphira7, Eragon6, and his sword Brisingr8!
Eragon was clad in complete Alagaesia9 outfit,
Brisingr glistened in the mini-parade,
Saphira was looking as ferocious as ever,
Looking at them, it was hard not to feel afraid.

Eragon seemed to be frustrated,
And said: “Your aspirations are all amiss.
The autograph will only be mine,
I will blast you with the teachings of Oromis10!”

I was stunned by these amazing heroes
Among the Dobermans, I felt like a cocker spaniel,
But somehow, I felt there was someone missing,
Sure enough – now came Bartimaeus12 and Nathaniel11!

Nathaniel, rather John Mandrake,
Was in a suit that looked rather funny,
And Bartimaeus, the wily djinn he was,
Presented himself in the form of Ptolemy13.

The magician of amazing punctuality
Had drawn for Bartimaeus a pentacle14,
And said with unfaltering superiority:
“I’ll turn you all to pickle!”

Bartimaeus sniggered quietly
But didn’t dare make a noise,
And I think the others were quiet because
They tried to maintain a ‘laugh-less’ poise.

It looked to me as if Eragon,
Having had enough of the crazy boy,
Was about to cast a deadly magic;
But couldn’t start his ploy:
For now the newest guest arrival
Was the mastermind Artemis Fowl15,
Then, as he noticed the crowd gathered for me,
His smirk turned into a growl.

Artemis was the only one,
Who spoke for Mandrake, a retort:
“It will be me who gets the autograph first –
For who can beat my mastermind and Holly Short16?”

The answer for this rhetoric,
Could have been Annabeth Chase,
But there Apparated18 Harry Potter17,
Calmly, he replied to Fowl’s phrase:

“Please don’t be so confident,
You and the fairy are no match for me,
Now that I have defeated Voldemort20,
No one can stop me and Ginny19!”

As if in response to his loving call,
Ginny Weasley appeared on the scene,
But the contest for my overly famous autograph,
Now made her a jealous teen.

For everyone, this was the last straw –
The rising tempers were oh! So plain,
When another visitor intruded our gathering –
The shabbily dressed Saddam Hussein21!

All my fantasy fiction friends,
Looked in awe at this non-fiction character,
But alas! As they would realize later,
They had forgotten the modern technology factor.

Now, without caring to speak a word,
He took out his favourite device,
And, with a simple flick of the arm,
The bomb completed my heroes’ demise.

Surprisingly, though I hadn’t realized it then,
The bomb had not affected me at all,
But I was afraid to speak up,
In front of Hussein so strong and tall.

The terrorist then gave me a notebook,
Right after they had all been blasted away,
I took it, signed, and asked myself:
“What has fiction come to today?”

  1. Carter and Sadie Kane: Involved with Egyptian mythology. Descendants of the Pharoahs. Most powerful bearers of C21. Siblings.
  2. Horus and Isis: Two Egyptian Gods (brother-sister) who co-existed with Carter and Sadie respectively. Released after Set’s imprisonment. 2 of the 5 demon children of Geb and Nut.
  3. Percy Jackson: Demigod of Greek Mythology. Son of Poseidon, God of Sea, and a mortal. Girlfriend: Annabeth.
  4. Annabeth Chase: Demigod of Greek Mythology. Daughter of Athena, Goddess of Wisdom and Battle Strategy, and a mortal. Boyfriend: Percy
  5. Riptide: Anaklusmos, the legendary sword of the seas, owned by P Jackson.
  6. Saphira: Blue Female Dragon. Rider: Eragon. Breathes blue fire. Namesake of Brom’s dragon.
  7. Eragon: A Dragon Rider of Alagaesia. Son of Brom, the traveler, and Selena, formerly known as the Black Hand of Morzan. Rides on Saphira. First of the three modern Riders. Namesake of first Rider. Aka Shadeslayer, Argetlam.
  8. Brisingr: Literally means “fire” in the ancient language (context). Eragon’s sword acquired in Ellesméra, capital of the Elves. Crafted by Eragon himself, with help from Rhünon, famous sword-maker of the Riders.
  9. Alagaesia: Land of Humans, Elves, Dwarves, Dragons.
  10. Oromis: The only ancient Dragon Rider, besides Galbatorix. Elf, lives in Ellesméra. Teacher of Eragon. Aka “Cripple Who is Whole”, “The Mourning Sage”. Dragon – Glaedr. Both defeated eventually by Murtagh and Galbatorix, and Thorn. Glaedr’s soul still survives.
  11. Bartimaeus: Amazingly witty and talkative djinni. Third Level, very powerful. Many missions for Solomon, Ptolemy (seemingly with affection), and Nathaniel (seemingly with distaste). Aka Sakhr al-Jinni, Ngorso the Mighty.
  12. Nathaniel: Hero of London magicians. Enslaved Bartimaeus, saved the world thrice. Gave his life in last “world-saving feat”. Aka John Mandrake.
  13. Ptolemy: Famous magician of ancient Egypt (Alexandria c. 135-124 BC). First “sensitive-to-djinn” magician. Liked by Bartimaeus for his attitude, created Ptolemy’s Gate.
  14. Pentacle: A pentagon-shaped drawing used to conjure, summon, and limit djinn.
  15. Artemis Fowl: A teenage mastermind. In earlier age, dedicated to crime. Uncovered Fairy world underground. Then, worked alongside fairies for goodwill. Immensely rich, cool, and formal.
  16. Holly Short: First female commander of the LEPrecon. At first, enemy of Fowl. Later worked with him. Genuinely impressed by Artemis’ mind and brainpower.
  17. Apparition: A process by which a magician can transport him/herself to another desired location. Extremely complex, only for highly qualified 16+ year old witches/wizards. Much faster than brooms, much more uncomfortable as well.
  18. Harry Potter: World-famous wizard and wand-wielder. Trademark spell – Expelliarmus – disarming spell. Half-Blood, son of Lily Evans (Muggle) and James Potter (Wizard). Thwarted Voldemort many times – 1 year old, 11 years old, 12 years old, 14 years old, and 15 years old. Killed Voldemort at 17. Best friends – Hermione, Ron, and Ginny ♥.
  19. Voldemort: Primary antagonist of Harry Potter. Split soul into 7 parts. Ultimately killed by Potter.
  20. Ginny Weasley: Youngest offspring of Weasleys. Sister of Ronald Bilius Weasley. Wife of Harry Potter. Great temper, tough person, rarely cries.
  21. Saddam Hussein: Widely infamous terrorist. Imprisoned and hanged by the USA. Used to kill political enemies ruthlessly.